The Island English Tutor
Nanaimo English Tutor, AJ Mittendorf.
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PARAPROSKOKIA

I know, the title sounds Polish, doesn't it? According to Wikipedia, though, it's Greek, meaning "against expectation." They make a strong case, but that's as far as I'm willing to take it because I have no other source on the subject. Thank God for Wikipedia; it comes through when no one else can or will. Use it cautiously, but I still say, go ahead and use it.

A "paraprosdokian" is a type of a Wellerism that is very much like a garden-path sentence: The last part of the sentence forces the reader to reinterpret the first half, except that, in paraprosdokia, there is not necessarily a distinct point where the reader's expectations are left behind, while, in the garden-path variety, there is a clear pun that shifts the logic. Also unlike garden-path sentences, paraprosdokia are created intentionally for dramatic or comedic effect.
There, but for the grace of God--goes God.

If I am reading this graph correctly, I'd be very surprised.

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing--after they have tried everything else.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker.

I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long.

I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.

War doesn't determine who is right, only who is left.

If I agreed with them, we'd all be wrong.

If you have to borrow money, borrow from a pessimist; he won't expect it back.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Some people hear voices; some see invisible people; others have no imagination at all.

Well my days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle.

Hospitality means making your guests feel like they're at home, even when you wish they were.

Happiness is the absence of striving to find happiness.

Dolphins are so smart that, within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool.

I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes are just not quick enough.

She got her good looks from her father; he's a plastic surgeon.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle, not screaming in terror like one of his passengers.

Two wrongs don't make a right; three lefts do, though.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has limits.

Some people create peace wherever they go, others whenever they go.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

A bus station is where a bust stops; a train station is where a train stops, and here I am at my work station.

He taught me housekeeping skills; when I divorce, I keep the house.

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

If you're telekinetic, raise my hand.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

I used to be indecisive, now, I'm not sure.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

We can repair what your husband fixed.

Isaac Newton stayed up all night puzzling the movement of the sun, then it dawned on him.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Where there's a will, there are relatives.

I hate to say, "I told you so," so I'm going to shout it.

A bad banker is one who loses interest.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Atheism is always non-prophet.

I'm having a great day: I woke up early, got out of bed, went to the bathroom. In that order.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it has a Latin name.

I don't approve of political jokes; I've seen too many of them get elected.

Of course men can multi-task; we read in the bathroom, don't we?

I can't thank him enough; he's just never satisfied.

To err is human, to really mess up, though, takes a computer.

Nothing is possible; I've been doing it for years.
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